


to touch without expectation

by ToDefineIsToLimit



Series: sanders sides Non-traditional relationships [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Asexual Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Logic | Logan Sanders, Internalized Acephobia, M/M, Naked Cuddling, Non-Sexual Intimacy, One Shot, both of these idiots need a hug, discussion of sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:41:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24509323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToDefineIsToLimit/pseuds/ToDefineIsToLimit
Summary: happy pride month, please enjoy this very asexual storyroman is ace and not interested in sex but isn't honest about that fact when his boyfriend logan first brings up the topic, he wants to do this for logan's sake(logan doesn't let that happen)
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: sanders sides Non-traditional relationships [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1880815
Comments: 49
Kudos: 192





	to touch without expectation

**Author's Note:**

> please enjoy this story from a dumb touch starved ace bitch

Roman and Logan had been dating for months now and Roman was uncomfortably aware that Logan was allosexual.

Roman had never experienced sexual attraction, it hadn’t been a surprise when he heard the word “ace” and its definition and immediately felt understood. But it wasn’t something he… _advertised_. In fact, he tended to keep it to himself. He figured it wasn’t really anyone else’s business.

He probably should have known that would change when he started dating Logan. But Logan never asked so Roman never brought it up. Which was good because Roman had learned not to talk about it to his partners. One can only handle so many breakups that amounted to, “So no head?!” 

So this time Roman kept his mouth shut. The topic of sex never even came up. And for some months they were happy, until one night.

They were on a date in the park. It had been a picnic dinner and now they were laid out under the stars alternating between talking and making out. Roman was currently telling a story about Orion. A greek myth about a goddess who lost a dear friend when he tried to date her.

Orion was close friends with the goddess Artemis who had sworn an oath to stay a maiden forever. For a long time things went well, they hunted together, they traveled the forests. Orion started trying to press his luck, began flirting with her. Artemis was tolerant of it, Orion was her friend and he was fairly charming. She didn’t particularly want to date him but it wasn’t hurting her to tolerate his flirting right? But then Apollo, Artemis’s older brother intervened. He saw that Orion wasn’t backing down and was growing bolder and bolder. He decided enough was enough and had Orion killed.

“To think it was all because Apollo was scared Artemis would break her maidenly bonds,” Roman said clicking his tongue.

“The greeks were an interesting people,” Logan commented. Roman laughed.

There was a long silence before Logan spoke again, “Ah...Speaking of maidenly bonds.”

Roman turned his head to look at Logan. His face was bathed in starlight and he looked so beautiful.

“If you are not opposed I would be interested in perhaps having sexual intercourse with you. Not tonight of course but if you ever should wish to the invitation is open.”

Roman stopped breathing for a moment. 

Of course, Logan wanted sex soon, that wasn’t unusual for how long they’d been together. In fact, Logan had likely waited longer than most men would be willing to. This is normal.

And if this is what Logan wants… well then Roman would give it to him.

“Sounds good dearest, when are you thinking?” Roman hoped to have time to prepare himself for it.

Logan looked at him surprised, “I would have thought you would want to be spontaneous but I must admit I much prefer having a more concrete plan."

"Well this is a big step and I wanna make sure it goes well, " Roman said pasting on a smile.

"I agree, " Logan said dropping a kiss to Roman's lips, "How about I take you on another date next Friday and we see if we feel particularly amorous afterward?"

"Perfect, " Roman said, suddenly feeling glad he was an actor.

***

Friday night rolled around quickly and their date passed without a hitch. There was dinner and then dancing which had been rather surprising.

"I picked up the skill in junior high, there was an optional dance club and my parents wanted me in a sport, " Logan explained as he waltzed Roman around the dance floor with a practiced ease, "You are a much better dancer than Darcy Clinesman."

"Thank you, darling, " Roman smiled up at him.

"How are you feeling about our plans for tonight?" Logan asked gently. Secretly he had been hoping that Logan wouldn't be in the mood tonight because while Roman need only say the word and the evening would be off, he wasn’t willing to disappoint Logan.

"I think I hope you've been staying hydrated, " Roman said with a wink. He felt his stomach twist uncomfortably.

Logan's face colored pink, "Well ahem right. Where- where would you be most comfortable? Your apartment or mine?"

"Do you mind if we go to mine?" Roman asked. He may not want to do this but at least he would be in his home. 

"That sounds lovely, " Logan said spinning Roman.

Logan drove them to Roman's house. Roman let them in, locking the door behind them and kicking his shoes off in the doorway.

"How would you like to go about this?" Logan asked wrapping his arms around Roman's middle from behind and planting his chin on Roman's shoulder.

"Um I don't- I don't know. What do you think?" Roman said trying to keep his voice light.

"Roman, please don’t feel embarrassed about expressing your desires. I want this to be the best it can be for you. I want to take care of you. What have you thought about us doing?"

The care in Logan's voice was so evident and his arms were _safe_. He was trying so hard to make this nice for Roman. He had taken Roman _dancing_ for christ’s sake, even though he had always said he wasn’t a fan of public romantic gestures. And now he wanted to know what Roman wanted him to do. Why didn’t he understand that this was all for him?

Roman couldn't stop the tears that escaped his eyes. A sob wrenched itself from his throat as he twisted around to bury his face in Logan shoulder.

“Oh- oh dear- Did I hurt you? Oh, crying was not the intended effect, I- Roman you’re crying,” Logan said sounding extremely distressed. Roman hadn’t cried on him before. Roman didn’t cry very often so this was definitely new for Logan.

“I’m so sorry Lo,” Roman sobbed, “You danced with me and made me feel so wonderful and- and I can even do this one thing!”

“Roman, are you ending our relationship because you should know I prepared for this possibility in the near future and have printed a list of twenty-six reasons you should reconsider,” Logan said, clutching Roman and sounding very confused.

“No!” Roman said jerking back to look at his boyfriend despite his makeup running everywhere, “Why would _I_ break with _you_?!”

“Then what is happening?” Logan was bordering on panicked now.

“I can’t- I can’t have sex with you,” Roman looked down unable to meet Logan’s eyes.

“Okay,” Logan said easily, “But why are you crying?”

Roman snapped his head up to look at Logan, “I just told you why I’m crying!”

Logan blinked a few times, “That’s why you are crying? I- I think I need some follow-up questions to understand this emotional response.”

“Go ahead,” Roman said pulling back from Logan and wrapping his arms tightly around himself.

“Is the crying because you can’t have sex but you want to?”

“No,” Roman said shame clawing its way up his throat.

“Okay, Then is the crying because you don’t want to but you told me you did?” Logan’s tone was unreadable for a moment.

Roman nodded, fresh tears pouring down his face. Suddenly he was wrapped back in Logan’s arms.

“Okay, thank you for telling me.”

“Aren’t you mad?”

Logan huffed out a breathe, “Mad? No. Ashamed? ….. Greatly.”

“No, no, wait, Logan, it’s not because you aren’t handsome and amazing it just that-”

“That is not why I feel ashamed. My shame is due to the fact that clearly I must have, at some point, exhibited behavior that made you believe I would still want to have sex if you didn’t want to. And that is unacceptable.”

“It wasn’t you Lo… it was every other guy before you,” Roman held onto Logan’s shirt feeling slightly lost. How was Logan not mad at all? He must be disappointed.

Logan’s hold on him tightened slightly, and he stood up straighter, his posture suddenly protective. Roman realize how his last words must have sounded.

“No it’s not like that, they didn’t try to make me or anything but... they weren’t happy and they broke up with me and... I didn’t… I just wanted you to stay. Please don’t break up with me Logan. If it means a lot to you I can try again.”

“Absolutely not. The purpose of this was simply was for us to experience another form of intimacy. The orgasm itself doesn’t matter. Quite frankly I can attain one of those from my own hand any given day. What Matters to me is showing you that I… Roman, I am in love with you,” Logan was red at the admission.

Logan… he… he was?

Roman lept forward crushing his lips against Logan’s. Logan cradled Roman’s face gently between his palms softening the kiss. His thumbs wiped away tear tracks on Roman’s face.

“I love you too, my star,” Roman sighed pressing his forehead to Logan’s. They stood there for a few long moments letting the feeling hang in the air between them. 

“Roman, is there something else that you want?” Logan asked, “I still wish to show you proof of my affections.”

Logan had always been the type to act on his positive feelings rather than try to express them.

“Well- I mean- not really,” Roman said feeling his face heat. He did have an idea but it wasn’t something he could ask of Logan.

“Roman, it could be anything, If need be I will leave now and return in a few days with those chocolates you mentioned you bought on your trip to Australia. You’re always full of ideas therefore there must be something.”

“I don’t think You’d like it,” Roman murmured, shifting from foot to foot.

“Well give me the chance to decide that for myself,” Logan told him, gently.

“Uhm I’m not interested in sex but um…” He trailed off, realizing that he would literally be asking Logan to ignore his own desires just to do something with Roman.

“Is there something else physical you have in mind?” Logan asked trying to follow his chain of thought, “Cuddling perhaps?”

Roman nodded slowly, feeling himself flush. Since when was he a shy blushing schoolboy?

“Why would I not enjoy that? Unless there is another aspect to this activity you have not explained?”

Roman bit his lip, “Could we maybe do it without- without clothes?” 

Logan’s eyebrows flew upward, clearly, he hadn’t been expecting that. Roman knew it was probably weird but he just wanted to lay with Logan and have there be fewer physical barriers between them. He wanted to touch.

Logan considered for a painfully silent moment and finally spoke, “Cuddling naked? I still fail to see what is unenjoyable about that.”

“Well I really don’t want it to be sexual,” Roman said, a warning tone to his voice. He hadn’t really expected Logan to go along with it.

“I didn’t think you did, I’m glad you feel safe enough to suggest such an activity. Shall we?” Logan offered a hand to Roman.

Roman lead Logan to his bedroom and both of them stripped off shirts easily enough and Roman had kicked off his own pants as they gently kissed, sitting on the bed.

“You should know I have- Well, I have some scars on my thighs. I do not wish to discuss their origin tonight, we may soon if you want to know. But if you would rather I not remove my pants that is alright,” Logan said, drawing back from Roman slightly.

“Logan if you’re comfortable with it I would like to see every bit of you. You’re beautiful, no scar would make me think differently. But if you need to leave them on to feel comfortable that’s okay too.”

“May… do you mind if I leave on my boxers? I did not think this far into a possible having sex scenario and thus did not realize that- that I cannot handle full nudity,” Logan swallowed thickly.

“Of course, Lo.” 

Logan slid off his pants and sat on the bed. His hands were folded in his lap and he stared at the floor as if embarrassed, though roman knew he would never admit it.

“I am, admittedly, not sure what comes next, I spent the last week researching slang for sex acts so as to not be caught off guard by any request you made. I didn’t research cuddling.”

Roman touched his shoulder softly, “Just lay with me, Starshine? Like you did the other night?”

“Right, yes, of course,” Logan laid back against the pillows, arms open.

“Do you want under the blanket?” Roman asked.

“Oh, right…” Logan wriggled so he was under the blanket.

“Little nervous?” Roman asked, softly as he slid under the covers with Logan. They both laid on their sides looking at each other, a good foot of space between them.

Logan chewed his lip lightly, “To be frank… this feels bigger to me than sex did. And I think I might prefer it, but I also feel vulnerable and like running away is my best option.”

“That’s okay, we can go as slow as you like,” Roman said.

“I- I would like to hold you. May I?” Logan opened his arms.

Roman scooted his way forward into Logan’s arms. The skin to skin contact felt good, it wasn’t something Roman had been afforded before without sex being involved.

“I’m asexual,” Roman whispered into the space between them.

Logan pulled him closer till Roman was cradled against his chest, “Okay.”

“I may not ever want sex,” Roman told him, speaking into his shoulder.

“Okay,” Logan said not pulling away.

Roman carefully threaded his arms around Logan’s waist, still not quite believing that this wonderful smart sweet man was here with him.

“You’re amazing,” Roman told him.

“While I appreciate the compliment I have not done anything overly impressive tonight.”

“Logan you’re holding me while we’re mostly naked and you’re not trying anything,” Roman pointed out.

“I’m a grown man Roman I certainly hope I can tell the difference between a sexual situation and a nonsexual situation,” Logan said with a slight smile, “When would you like me to leave? I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“Stay over tonight?” Roman asked with a yawn, “Laying with you is comfy.”

“Okay,” Logan said rubbing small circles on roman’s back, “I will stay on the one condition that you go to sleep now. I know you stay up until nearly midnight most nights but I’m afraid that tonight has been emotionally taxing enough that an early bedtime would be ideal.”

“Mmm consider it done,” Roman let his eyes slide shut and was lost to the world. 

The only things that existed were him and Logan and the feeling of holding each other.

**Author's Note:**

> if you enjoyed please comment , I'm actually kinda nervous about posting this one


End file.
